Mastering the Art of Saying "No" to Protect Your Focus.
Easier said than done, right? It certainly seems that way; it's remarkable how many people struggle with what should be a straightforward answer.
Okay, I’ve got to admit, this is definitely an Achilles heel for me—definitely. I hate saying, “No!” And therefore, no surprise, I’m lousy at it. Does that make me a pushover or a people pleaser? I don’t know—maybe? But for me, it’s more about not wanting to disappoint than it is about wanting to please. Kinda like my approach to competition; I hate losing more than I like winning, if that makes sense. So, in this instance, the stick is undoubtedly more effective than the carrot! ;)
And it‘s not just me; many well-intentioned do-gooders struggle with overcommitting, people-pleasing, or other unexpected distractions continuously derailing their goals. Professionals, creatives, entrepreneurs—you name it—countless yes-men and women who would love to be able to say no and not feel guilty.
How bad is it? Well, a 2018 study from the University of California found that multitasking (often a result of overcommitting or always saying yes) can reduce productivity by up to 40%. Yikes, that's a lot of stuff not getting done or people who can’t say no, depending on how you want to look at it.
For those of us who know the drill, we’re all familiar with that sinking feeling every time we agree to help someone, knowing full well that we either don’t actually have the time because of other more pressing things that need getting done. Then, like clockwork, the moment arrives where someone or something gets compromised, because as much as we want to help, we can’t, or we can’t to the extent we thought we could or promised. Yucko—feels crappy!
And, once more, we try to reassure ourselves that we’ve finally learned our lesson this time and promise we will NEVER agree to do something like that again, knowing we sure as hell will. Why, because we cannot hold the line, say no, and protect our precious time.
If that’s you or you just want to up your arsenal for protecting your time and focus, check out these hacks on how to do just that…
FIVE WAYS TO HELP ESTABLISH STRONGER BOUNDARIES, SAY NO AND REMAIN FOCUSED:
Use a Decision Filter:
Create this simple rule to evaluate requests. Tim Ferriss recommends we use a “not-to-do list”—interesting notion! Ask yourself, “Does this request align with my top goals?” If not, decline politely—okay, this is for sure one of those easier said than done rules! Here’s his example: “Thanks for the opportunity, but this doesn’t fit my current priorities.” True, this keeps your focus on what matters most, but my hands are sweating at the thought of saying this to someone—having said that, I’m still going to try!
Practice the Pause Technique:
Avoid impulsively responding with, yes, by delaying your answer. For example, try, “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.” This gives you time to assess without pressure. Economist Tim Harford recommends this one—seems doable. And I like the idea of having time to consider the request. It increases the chances of saying “not now” if I absolutely have to.
Offer Alternatives:
High achiever Reshma Saujani advocates for us to utilize what he calls “soft rejections,” suggesting other solutions, such as recommending a colleague or a relevant resource. This way you get to maintain the relationship while protecting your time and kinda help a little—not exactly a hard no.
Set Non-Negotiable Boundaries:
Here’s another one from Reshma Saujani’s “monk mode” mornings (no emails or social media before 10 a.m.). This strategy protects our peak focus hours, where we should all schedule deep work during our best hours and say no to interruptions—easy-peasy, just say no!!!
Reframe No as a Positive:
This one is sort of selling our minds on a different take, like an alternative sales pitch, if you will. Suppose we interpret saying “no” as saying “yes” to your priorities. James Clear likes this one and adds, “When you say yes, you are saying no to every other option.” He also suggests we visualize our goals to make declining distractions easier. Lock in on what you’re intent on achieving and lean in—this helps keep us on track. Consider reviewing our approach to goal setting for additional strategies.
RESOURCES:
Three books to check out: click on the book’s name for more details.
Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown
McKeown’s book is a cornerstone for learning to say no. He advocates focusing only on what’s essential, offering strategies like reminding superiors at work of the positive trade-offs when declining tasks. Remember, if we’re focused on intentional living, protecting our time is a key component. McKeown’s tip for evaluating requests is to ask, “If I had to do this today, would I say yes?” This helps us prioritize.
Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention—and How to Think Deeply Again by Johann Hari
Hari explores how distractions hijack focus, including societal pressures to say yes to everything. He cites studies, including one that determined it takes us 23 minutes to refocus after interruptions, to underscore the need for boundaries. Yikes, that’s a lot of unproductive time! Your mindset matters when it comes to focus, and if time is money, then not being able to say no is a potentially expensive choice.
Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World by Cal Newport
Newport argues that deep, focused work requires saying no to distractions. His strategies for creating distraction-free environments align with supporting mental clarity. His time-blocking technique is a terrific way to reinforce saying no and getting stuff done—give it a try!
Three podcasts to check out: click to listen.
In this episode, Mel shares strategies for putting ourselves first. She believes that being a people pleaser is a coping mechanism that is destroying our energy, time, dreams, and sanity. Every time we say yes to something we don’t really want to do, we’re saying no to ourselves. She invites us to change that in a surprising way—learn the science-backed tools we need to break the habit of always putting other people’s needs before our own.
Tim Ferriss frequently discusses productivity hacks, including the importance of saying no to protect time. In his interview with Greg McKeown, he covers boundary-setting and focus. McKeown, the author of Essentialism, offers
James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, dives into habits and decision-making, emphasizing saying no as the ultimate productivity hack. He coined the expression, “The Ultimate Productivity Hack is Saying No,” highlighting Clear’s idea that “no is a decision” to empower us to take control of our time. There are many other gems to garner from this discussion.
I hope these Performance Minded tips and other resources are helpful. If you have any topic suggestions or questions, please don't hesitate to reach out. Cheers!
“People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully.”
—Seve Jobs
