Caring is Good, but Loving is so Much Better!
Two weekends ago, the annual Boat Race between centuries-old rivals Oxford and Cambridge took place along the Thames River course in London, England. If you’re unfamiliar with the race, it’s a gruelling 4-mile course with side-by-side racing that takes 16 to 20 minutes to complete on average—ouch!
It was featured live online, but you can still catch it here on YouTube if you missed it. If you’re not a huge rowing fan, no worries, I get it. Watching a rowing race at the best of times can be like watching bread dough rise. Besides, it’s not really the race per se that I want to highlight.
In fact, the only reason I went to have a look was an article I read in the Guardian by Cath Bishop. If that name rings familiar, I’ve referenced her before. She’s a multiple GB Olympian in rowing who won a silver medal in the pair at the 2004 Games in Athens. She’s also an important voice in the evolution of sports culture as she continues to challenge the tough-guy paradigm and help transition the way we coach to a more holistic, athlete-centred one. And if you haven’t read her book, The Long Win, you should.
Cath’s article shone a light on the coach of the Cambridge women’s crew, Paddy Ryan. What caught my attention was learning that seven months ago, when he began coaching the Cambridge squad for the first time, he challenged his athletes to build a culture based on “care as a guiding principle of everything we do.” Hmmm, now that’s different!
Well, it’s different from what you might hear from a traditional coach, where the years’ purpose and motivating force would likely be built around more traditional themes like “crushing” the competition. And the only time you might hear the term “care” referenced is in describing what they care about… winning!
Yes, the race had some close calls that almost had crews clashing blades. There was controversy when the Oxford coxie steered his crew (on purpose) into the Cambridge boat in a desperate attempt to create a scenario that would have Cambridge disqualified—to no avail. There was hype before the race. Oxford was the hands-on favourite, and the young, inexperienced crew from Cambridge were the underdogs. It had all the perfect makings of a memorable match race.
However, what makes it memorable for me is how the Cambridge crew was prepared and the ethos that kept them on track. Funny enough, though, there’s a part that also makes me a bit curious. I mean, why stop at “caring?” Look, I’m not complaining—it sure as hell beats what has been the norm for too long. However, although a huge step forward, caring, in my opinion, still has a limiting aspect when building a healthy, high-performing culture.
I see caring as more of a surface intention where genuine concern and consideration toward the well-being and needs of others is the goal. True, you’ll build a culture where athletes support and nurture one another, whether emotionally or physically. I get it that caring encompasses empathy, kindness, and compassion and often involves taking action to offer support or make a positive difference in your teammate’s lives. Caring can be demonstrated through small gestures of kindness and more significant acts of support, and it plays a crucial role in creating healthy relationships among individual teammates.
All good stuff—in fact, I agree, is essential when building a healthy culture.
But, the question I’m left with is still, why stop there? Those of you who are familiar with the themes that often run deep in my Substack know that the notion of love and its ability to build powerfully committed teams that, in the end, have the potential to outperform competitors because of that one unifying sense—love, is always something to consider.
You see, I experience caring as a verb—it involves action. It’s the human doing that unifies the team. Whereas with love, I see that more as the being that encompasses or holds the team. It runs far deeper and, therefore, is more powerful. I suppose it costs a little more in that you have to be willing to put yourself “out there” and declare that on the other side of love, a team will have a stronger bond, be more trusting, and, in the end, discover a level of potential they may have otherwise never considered. But, like I said, you have to be willing to endure the raised eyebrows and potential mocking that may ensue.
I remember my early days of stating that love was the vehicle through which we would discover our best selves. Not only did the athletes look at me as if I had three eyes, but the coaches who found out made jokes about it.
But I didn’t care; I was all in. I knew love was a more complex and multifaceted emotion characterized by deep connection and strong valuing that would fuel a team more sustainably than just caring for one another.
With love, caring is the byproduct, not the end game. It empowers teammates to become invested in each others' happiness, well-being, and fulfillment. Those same caring actions still manifest through acts of kindness, compassion, and selflessness toward others. But with love, you can also inspire and transform relationships, making love one of the most profound and universal human experiences. But, for the longest time, apparently, it had nothing to do with high-performance sports.
Enter Ted Lasso. You may laugh, but I sincerely believe that the show and its messages of empathy, kindness, and positivity in leadership have significantly influenced culture in professional sports for the better. If you’re familiar with the show, you know that Lasso chooses the personal growth of his team members over winning. And, of course, paradoxically, he ends up winning more often.
As much as I’m thrilled to learn of a rowing coach utilizing a more holistic approach to building excellence, I don’t want him to stop there. If I had my way, this year’s theme of caring would be a stepping stone to next year’s theme of love—I can dream!
Imagine that—picture the beginning of next year's rowing season, and Paddy Ryan confidently states in front of his Cambridge athletes that “love will be the guiding principle of everything we do.” Hmmm, now that's different and something truly worth celebrating.