Careful what you wish for!
Definitely one of my favourite expressions! For good reason, too—it reminds me, like a freight train sometimes, that the stuff I dream of, wish for, want, whatever terms I choose, is super important. And that, basically, my intentions are something to be aware of … all the time! Why? Because it would appear that someone or something is listening! Crazy-talk? Sure sounds like it! But, the older I get, the more I realize that the way I talk about the big-picture items in my life matters, big-time.
This past weekend, I was involved in yet another reunion centred around rowing. It was the 10th anniversary of a Ridley College crew I coached, along with Winston Cook, in 2014. Some of you might have read about them when Pulling Together: A Coach's Journey to Uncover the Mindset of True Potential came out in 2017.
The Coles Notes version has the reader following a team of high school rowers for a year as they strive toward building a high-performing crew. Their time together is filled with many unforeseen circumstances and challenges, and their coaches, Winston and I, struggle to not only keep the crew together but invite them to consider that the rough road they’ve endured may prove their greatest gift and advantage.
Personally, I really like the book. True, I’m a little biased, but honestly, I find the story of how those young men endured their journey to be extremely inspiring. Even today, when I flip to a section to read, it takes me back immediately to a time I still treasure. The words come alive, cueing visceral moments, and I’m easily transported. Why so easy? Simple, I loved coaching those boys. When I get asked today if I miss coaching, I always say the same thing, “I don't miss the politics, but I sure as hell miss the boys.”
Saturday morning, we gathered at the Ridley Boathouse on Henley Island in St. Catharines, Ontario. Either those boys are still growing, or I’m shrinking, or maybe both, but I swear I didn't have to get on my tippy-toes to hug them ten years ago! Regardless, we put the boat on stretchers, made some adjustments to accommodate the “growth” that’s occurred over the last decade, and headed out for a row down the course one more time.
Unfortunately, two of the boys weren’t able to make it. Luc wasn’t feeling that good, and Mathew—well, he’ll be the source of a deeper dive in an upcoming Substack. So I had to call up Kevin, who you might have read about last week. I rowed with him at Ridley in ‘82 and ‘83 and then again at Syracuse University in ‘84. Believe me, he was only too happy to fill in!
A few strokes into our row, I was reminded yet again of the hangtime of muscle memory. It wasn’t long before we were moving quite well. No real surprise, though—Daniel and Cosmo, the two returning members from 2014, were serious boat movers. They made it easy for Kevin and me. Soon, Winston showed up alongside in the coach boat with Daniel’s wife, Charlotte. She and Daniel had travelled from Germany for the weekend—an acknowledgement of what this reunion meant to the boys.
It didn’t take long for the chirping to kick in—not really sure if that’s only a guy thing? But, the verbal digs soon began to fly. Old jokes were revived and retold with great loud laughs following—I loved it! Sometimes, returning to your 18-year-old self can be a good thing. Even Winston joined in, including me in his sights—bastard.
As I’ve owned before, I’m a cryer—always have been. But when I’m tired, look out, I could flood an ice rink! Sure enough, on that Saturday morning, amidst our reasonably good rowing strokes, my taps got turned on often and easily. Not because of the excruciating pain of being back in the boat and pulling as hard as I could—because I wasn’t! Instead, it was those visceral moments cued this time by our surroundings—the sight and smell of the course, the feel of the boat beneath us, the oars in my hands, and the voices and laughter of those surrounding me—all too much for my aging and longing soul.
That longing part of me couldn’t help but reach out every time we stopped and either grabbed Cosmo’s ankles behind me or placed my hands on Daniel’s shoulders in front of me. For two reasons: given the number of friends I’ve lost in the last few years, I take nothing for granted anymore. Second, I had never rowed with these boys, let alone in the boat christened in my name’s sake. This short row was special, and I was giving it my full attention.
After a brief sprint with another reunion boat, we made our way to the grandstand dock. Once out of the boat, I pulled out my phone to FaceTime Mathew. As I had mentioned, he was also unable to make the row. He has just begun a new research assistant position at the University of Toronto in their School of Engineering. In that future Substack, I’ll get into more details, but Mathew is unable to row because he’s now in a wheelchair. Several years ago, he was tragically hit by a truck while out on a training ride on his road bike.
The boys lit up as Mathew answered the call. No chirping this time, however—I think they’re still navigating this new territory. Mathew continuously apologized for not being able to make the row. We assured him that it was fine—his schoolwork came first. “Our 15th, Mathew, we’ll see you at our 15th,” was how it was left. “Love you, Shim,” were the parting words. Shim, being his nickname born from his hard-to-pronounce Polish last name.
After the call, hugs and thank yous were exchanged one more time—yes, even Kevin and Winston contributed before we got back into the boat for our return row to the main dock. “Love you, Shim,” continued its soothing melody in my ears.
When I began my second iteration of coaching at Shawnigan Lake School in the early 2000s, Robyn challenged me to allow the boys I was coaching to “feel my love” the same way our dog Ike did. No surprise, I looked at her like she was crazy. However, the important part is that I gave it a try—not knowing what I was actually supposed to do differently, I set out determined to have those boys feel loved by me.
That simple invitation changed my coaching forever. It was the first time that I realized my efficacy as a coach was dertemined by more than my knowledge of the sport—quite simply, I needed to be a better human being. The more those boys “felt loved,” the more they thrived. When I got to Ridley in 2010, my goal was now bigger—not just having them feel love but expressing it as well. I wanted to talk freely and unapologetically about the power of love, and I did. This time, the athletes thrived even more.
By the time the 2013-14 crew came along, I was on a roll. There was no apprehension whatsoever in discussing the importance and impact of love when it came to building successful teams. Furthermore, they were familiar with the 2012 crew and knew all about the “whole love thing.” As a result, we hit the ground running—no, sprinting!
What I had wished for had come to fruition. Ten years ago, we built a very successful rowing crew. They won the Canadian and US High School Rowing Championships in multiple events—a feat never before done with the same four athletes. Their combined erg score was what most high school coaches could only dream of. Three of them went on to row for their respective national teams. As far as the rowing piece was concerned, I would say that we nailed it—love had proven a powerful strategy.
More importantly, though, as human beings, what I was reminded of last weekend was that we nailed that too. During hard workouts, I used to say to the boys before each piece, “Build the love” between them. And off they would go, harder than any previous crew I had coached. “Love you, Shim,” proved to me that my intention—my wish—had come true. These boys had and still did love one another.
Today, careful wouldn’t be the right word. What I wish for now is intentional, and I have no problem saying it out loud!
Jason, as usual, a powerful piece. You capture the essence extremely well. It was great to see you again and your brother, Scott and all the St. Catharines kids who come back from afar, me included. This is my home and always will be. Ridley is my home and always will be. Stay well and buy stock in Kleenex!
Your best missive to date, Jason… Bravo! ❤️